Let Yourself Be Seen
By Sacha Crouch, FWC resident Psychologist
How to build greater connection and confidence by seeking your truth and speaking your truth
Many people seek therapy or coaching because they want to speak up, be seen and feel
heard. They may feel disconnected from their authentic self and unsure how to show up in
the world in a way that feels true. Please know this is common. From a young age, we are
socialised to perform rather than simply be. We learn that our natural self is not enough: not
measured enough, contained enough or conforming enough. We may have been criticised
or shamed for speaking up, or it may have threatened our connection with loved ones. Over
time, we repress our desires and needs, moving through life without pausing to check in
with ourselves.
The good news is that the environment you live in now is different from the one you were in
as a child. You no longer need to fit in with the cool crowd, disown your quirky interests, or
hide who you truly are to belong, improve connection, or build a “successful” life. Stronger connections with others begin with a stronger connection to yourself. The fear behind being truly seen usually centres on others judging us negatively. Fearful of shame, we attempt to say or do the “right” things rather than be true to ourselves. We monitor, judge and criticise ourselves as a strategy to “get it right” and avoid being judged by others. We make endless assumptions about what others think and imagine worst-case scenarios as high-stakes probabilities. All this overthinking creates anxiety, disconnection from self and all too often disconnection from life.
Want to learn how to choose connection with yourself over fear of others' judgment? Below
are some ideas for a good place to start.
How to Be Truly Seen
1. First, learn to fully see yourself
You can’t know what is true for you, or be fully seen, if you don’t fully see yourself. The first
step is learning to access your true feelings, your unspoken fears and desires, and your
inner wisdom to guide your decisions, without having to act on that wisdom. This gentle
reconnection with self provides fertile soil where fully seeing yourself can grow. Remember,
seeing yourself so honestly can feel uncomfortable and scary; it can bring up guilt, shame,
or self-criticism. We get to welcome that too.
For the next 7 days, spend five minutes a day contemplating or journalling the following
question:
If I never had to admit it to anyone, what do I really feel and think about this? What do I
really want?
It can be helpful to create two columns on your page if you’re journalling. In column one,
write down your true feelings and thoughts about something going on in your life. In column
two, capture feelings and thoughts of guilt or shame about your true feelings, and what you
tell yourself you should think or feel instead.
2. Second, connect with what feels true while speaking
Once you have practiced accessing your true feelings, it's time to start speaking from this
place. The key is to start super small. This requires you to slow down, feel into your truth
and try to speak from this connection. Do not search for the perfect thing to say. Instead,
stay connected to your body and what feels true for you. This is what you are learning to
do. This means staying connected to yourself in the presence of others, rather than losing
connection to please others. As an example, someone might ask, “How have you been?” In
the past, you might have immediately responded, “Great, thanks and you?” Instead, stop,
take a breath and really connect with how you have been. Try to feel into the truth, then
speak.
3. Look for the evidence that this brings connection rather than disconnection
Fear of being seen makes us look for micro-evidence of judgement, criticism, disinterest, or
rejection. We scan others’ words, tone, and body language, looking for approval or
disapproval of whether what we said is acceptable to others. Rather than searching for
approval, your next practice is to focus on how good it feels to speak what you truly feel.
How much more connected to yourself and the other person do you feel when you stay
connected to yourself rather than disconnecting to please?
Each day for 7 days, give yourself an inner high five for speaking what was real for you.
Track one instance each day when you stayed connected to yourself while speaking.
Describe how it felt and what the outcome was.
Speaking your truth can feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice it becomes
uncomfortable to live any other way.
For a helpful collection of specific affirmations, pick up a free Speak Your Truth narrative
card at reception at Freshwater Wellness Centre. Visit sachacrouch.com to find out more
about therapy or life coaching with Sacha.
Sacha Crouch helps you seek your truth, speak your truth, and create a deeply fulfilling, connected, and courageous life. A Clinical Psychologist, Life Coach, adventurer, and rule breaker, Sacha brings a rare blend of clinical expertise and lived boldness to every session. Expect to be challenged. Expect to cry, and to laugh. And expect to leave more connected to yourself than you've ever been.
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